It’s been five days since we found out we won’t be having babies anytime soon, but I must say, I am feeling much better now. Last week was very hard, especially mid week. I was all cried out by Friday and when a friend came by with flowers and Moet, tears welling in her eyes, I said to her, “Don’t you dare cry! I’ve got nothing left in me!”
It has been humbling though, seeing how many friends and family members have cared as much as we did and felt as distraught as us. And the messages and emails I have received from listeners, friends of Radiochick and blog readers has been overwhelming. I wanted to reply to them all but I simply can’t keep up. So many of them made me cry and others inspired me. All of them humbled me. I just find it so hard to fathom that so many people who don’t know me personally have been touched by our journey. I want to THANK all of them from the bottom of my heart because the feedback and support has meant so much and really helped get us through.
I have no idea where we will go from here. Dom thinks we need to take a break to get our heads clear again, but I think we should get going again while we’re on a roll. The problem is, we are so confused and frustrated as to what should be our next move. Try again the same as before? Sperm donor? Embryo donor? Surrogate? Adoption? There are so many options but no-one is able to tell us exactly what the problem is. If I knew what the problem really was, I would be working on fixing it! We have had four really good friends offer to donate sperm to us which has been huge. That would be a very difficult decision to make. And I have had so many women, most of who I do not know personally, offer to carry our baby for us. I cannot count how many have offered this. That’s just crazy incredible that a stranger would offer to help in such a huge way. But I don’t need any of that right now. I need to figure out what we are going to do from here. What the next goal is. If only I could predict the future!
The SUNDAY TV crew have finished filming and say our story will be on in just a few weeks. I’ll let you know when I know for sure. It was fun having John Hudson and his crew around because they are such amazing people, but there were times when I wished the cameras weren’t there. Most of those times I was crying! Oh gawd, I’m going to look like such a sook!
It has been humbling though, seeing how many friends and family members have cared as much as we did and felt as distraught as us. And the messages and emails I have received from listeners, friends of Radiochick and blog readers has been overwhelming. I wanted to reply to them all but I simply can’t keep up. So many of them made me cry and others inspired me. All of them humbled me. I just find it so hard to fathom that so many people who don’t know me personally have been touched by our journey. I want to THANK all of them from the bottom of my heart because the feedback and support has meant so much and really helped get us through.
I have no idea where we will go from here. Dom thinks we need to take a break to get our heads clear again, but I think we should get going again while we’re on a roll. The problem is, we are so confused and frustrated as to what should be our next move. Try again the same as before? Sperm donor? Embryo donor? Surrogate? Adoption? There are so many options but no-one is able to tell us exactly what the problem is. If I knew what the problem really was, I would be working on fixing it! We have had four really good friends offer to donate sperm to us which has been huge. That would be a very difficult decision to make. And I have had so many women, most of who I do not know personally, offer to carry our baby for us. I cannot count how many have offered this. That’s just crazy incredible that a stranger would offer to help in such a huge way. But I don’t need any of that right now. I need to figure out what we are going to do from here. What the next goal is. If only I could predict the future!
The SUNDAY TV crew have finished filming and say our story will be on in just a few weeks. I’ll let you know when I know for sure. It was fun having John Hudson and his crew around because they are such amazing people, but there were times when I wished the cameras weren’t there. Most of those times I was crying! Oh gawd, I’m going to look like such a sook!
Thanks for sharing, first blog I’ve read (or wanted to read) about this – nice to read things that make you say out loud “yeah I know!”.
Hi JayJay,
I am so sorry for your loss. Doesn’t IVF just suck!
I have had 3 cycles of IVF which resulted in 4 embryo transfers so far, and I miscarried them all.
I just wanted to say thank you for filming the Doco. It must have been so hard for you to deal with that on top of everything else. But I am so glad people will see the harsh reality of what some of us have to go through just to make a baby.
I really hope you don’t give up yet. I’m not, we plan to have another embryo transfer next month.
Hope you feel better soon.
I am so sorry for you both that it didn’t work! Life just isn’t fair sometimes, is it.
I have to say I am looking forward to seeing the Doco (even though I would prefer the outcome was different). Very brave of you though, and don’t worry about the crying bits – we all do it!
We are on our 2nd round of IVF. First time we got pregnant first go, and all was great until only 6 months into the pregnancy I went into premature labour. Because the labour was so fast there was no stopping it, nothing could be done to help our baby’s lungs develop, and she was born and rushed to NICU. Our very premature wee baby girl was just amazing – a perfect little soul. She lived for about a day and a half. Losing her was massive. We don’t know what caused me to go into labour, so that’s a scary thought if we ever manage to get pregnant in the future.
We had our only frozen embryo replaced earlier in the year too, but that didn’t work out either.
So much of this baby making business is just so out of our control. We still have hope that good things can happen…
You sound like you are in a better space than last week, so that’s something!
At least there are still options out there for you, and I hope despite all you have been through you can find a little ray of light that makes you think that good things can happen sometime in the future for you too…
Don’t give up
hi jay jay, i have been following your blog from day one and am glad to hear that you are feeling a wee bit better, I have been thinking of you guys.
i agree that sometimes its good to just keep on going with either another cycle or other options, i too have had a friend offer to carry a baby for me, isnt that amazing.
take care of yourselfxx
Have recently began following you blog. We have undergone 4 failed attempts at IVF and were about to undergo a donor egg cycle when we were lucky enough to adopt. As you said you do have options, I understand the roller coaster ride IVF is – you’ve come this far and I’m sure you are not “beaten” yet! Anyone who has undgone 4 failed attempts must have one hell of a fighting spirit. Take some time to weigh up your options you never know what is just around the corner.
Stay strong!
Thank you so much
It is soo good to read your positive update…you show amazing strength, determination and perserverance in ALL that you do, JJ. Just a reminder that YOU inspire women like me everyday by sharing your life’s stories with us..
JayJay you are an amazing person for shearing something so personal with everyone who has read this blog. I have just finished reading your last two updates and i have tears rolling down my face. I cant imagine what it must have been like and I only hope that whatever you and Dom decided to do you will be able to bring a wonderful child into this world.
You have also opened my eyes to just how much work goes into IVF and how draining it must be for couples who must use IVF to create a child.
I also can’t wait for the doco to be on telly……
Thanks again and keep your chin up…..
dear jay jay and dom glad to hear you are startin to feel a bit better now. we really look forward to seeing the doco , we just think it is amazing you have done this to show others what the journey is like. both ourselves and my family will be watching when it screens and we will be thinking of you both. we are just getting ready for our 4th transfer . sadly our 3rd transfer resulted in a miscarriage in the third week but we are keeping our chin up and trying again.jay jay you are an inspiration to us all on this painful journey. thankyou.
It’s been amazing reading your posts through this whole cycle. The emotional ups and downs are identical to probably everyone who goes through IVF. It’s good to see that you are in a better head space this week.
I hate to say it but I agree with Dom about waiting for a while before you try anything else. We spent two years rushing from one IVF cycle to the next but are having a self imposed break at the moment. It has been the most relaxing six months we have had during the past five years. It means you can stop and really think about what the next step might be.
Good luck for what ever you decide to do. x
Hi – I have just watched Suday. Tomorrow is another day with new thoughts, hopes and dreams………just remember that there are no right answers and to do what ever is right for the both of you. Good luck on the next step of your journey whatever that may be!
My husband and I watched your story yesterday and we immediately felt your pain what is ours too.
We went through 3 IVF failed attempts.
I’ll never forget how hard is the whole process especial when you have nobody who cares your pain.
We were needed to take a break from all crazy things because it hurt too much
Finally we’ve made a decision because We don’t want to let it eat up our marriage and our health and now it seems.
we don’t go for more.
But everyone is different, so good luck your decision.
By the way I believe that a miracle could happen any time.
Hi JayJay
I watched you on Sunday,You are so brave to do the injections yourself.We went through IVF and I couldn’t do the injections myself so my husband had to do it for me. We had one go at IVF with a failed attempt. I think you should give IVF a break for now and try other options.Have a go at HSG which is Lipadol or Dye flashing thru you tubes. You have to have it done between 8-10th Day after your period starts.Dr Neil Johnstone does this and it is heaps cheaper than IVF, Maybe $350-$450.Depends Wellington or Auckland.Get Dom on the Elevit for men and you on the women one. Then try naturally,you never know it may be all you need.Give it a go, you have nothing to loose. It worked for me and now we have 2 lovely boys.All the best for your future what ever you do.
Shaz
I admire you and Dom so much for putting your amazing story out there. You guys had me bawling while watching your doco last night, it must have been heartbreaking. You’re one tough lady Jay Jay …. I don’t think I would be so brave that’s for sure.
Wishing you all the very best for your future decisions, whatever they may be.
Hi Jay Jay & Dom
Myself and my partner watched Sunday last night and I have to say that you are both such an inspiration and very brave for sharing your story.
We had been trying for a wee while and nothing was happening for us, and my GP didn’t appear to be terribly proactive. So, I changed my GP, who referred me to a specialist and it was found that I have recurring cysts on my ovaries – which were unfortunately diagnosed as endometriosis. I have had 2 laproscopic surgeries so far to remove the cysts, but they keep growing back. The specialists have said that there isn’t much that we can do at this stage, but keep trying and we are booked to start our first IVF cycle in July 2011. I have to say that I don’t know how I will handle it, but watching you both last night has given me a renewed sense of determination.
It is such a hard thing to come to terms with, especially when you so desperately want a child and you see so many friends/family having babies and with little ones around them. There seem to be lots of tears for me lately and feelings of loneliness but watching you both on the show last night has given me an extra boost, and we’ve just got to try and keep positive.
So, thank you so much for sharing your story. You truly are an amazing couple and I wish you both all the luck in the world whichever path you may choose to take x
Hi JayJay and Dom,
I watched you both on Sunday last night and as myself and my husband know how hard it is to go through IVF, I think you are both an amazing couple, don’t give up! We have an amazing 2 1/2 year old boy thanks to my fabulous friend who was a surrogate for us. We feel so lucky to have had the opportunity to be parents. It will happen for you – I just know it!!