Dom and I have just completed our fourth round of IVF. Over the last six weeks I have given myself daily hormone injections to prepare my body and grow eggs. Dom had an operation to remove his sperm from his testicles and I had an operation to remove 7 eggs from my ovaries. Both ops left us sore for at least a week afterwards! From my 7 eggs, 6 were injected with sperm. Only two developed into embryos, one of which was not in great shape. Both embryos were implanted into my uterus 11 days ago and I have been waiting it out. The Two Week Wait. My pregnancy test was due this Friday. I have been feeling great and even wondered if I suffered symptoms… sore boobs, headache, hunger… apparently the hormones were causing me to feel this way.
Yesterday I woke up and went to work but felt very tired. That horrible tired feeling I get on the day of my period. I started to worry. Then yesterday afternoon, the cramps set in and last night… there was blood.
I can’t describe the shock. My heart was racing so fast and I was shaking. I didn’t want to panic, but I knew it was not a good sign. I told Dom and he knew too. We both sat on the couch very quietly and numb. I went to the toilet numerous times hoping it was nothing, but it was something. I texted a nurse at Fertility Plus and she told me not to panic but to call her today. We got up at 4 and went to work as normal at 5 but by 5.20 I was a wreck. I just knew it was the end and it’s all I could think about. I couldn’t go on air and pretend to be happy when I was dying inside. Dom was emotional too and said, “I’m coming home with you.” So we left.
I had a blood test at 8.30am and we waited at home, doing nothing, til we could go to the hospital at 1pm for the results.
“It’s not good news I’m sorry”, the nurse said.
That was all I needed to hear. Confirmation. My head collapsed forward into my hands and I cried and cried. Dom cried too. We have been together for 11 years and this is only the third time I have seen him cry. My heart is aching and I am at a loss as to what I want to do now.
But that is the journey with IVF. It’s a long road to happiness and only the strong survive. The question is, how strong am I?
Yesterday I woke up and went to work but felt very tired. That horrible tired feeling I get on the day of my period. I started to worry. Then yesterday afternoon, the cramps set in and last night… there was blood.
I can’t describe the shock. My heart was racing so fast and I was shaking. I didn’t want to panic, but I knew it was not a good sign. I told Dom and he knew too. We both sat on the couch very quietly and numb. I went to the toilet numerous times hoping it was nothing, but it was something. I texted a nurse at Fertility Plus and she told me not to panic but to call her today. We got up at 4 and went to work as normal at 5 but by 5.20 I was a wreck. I just knew it was the end and it’s all I could think about. I couldn’t go on air and pretend to be happy when I was dying inside. Dom was emotional too and said, “I’m coming home with you.” So we left.
I had a blood test at 8.30am and we waited at home, doing nothing, til we could go to the hospital at 1pm for the results.
“It’s not good news I’m sorry”, the nurse said.
That was all I needed to hear. Confirmation. My head collapsed forward into my hands and I cried and cried. Dom cried too. We have been together for 11 years and this is only the third time I have seen him cry. My heart is aching and I am at a loss as to what I want to do now.
But that is the journey with IVF. It’s a long road to happiness and only the strong survive. The question is, how strong am I?
P.S. Thank you so much for the AMAZING prayers and support. It has really been overwhelming and has helped us a lot. I wish the rest of you going through IVF the best of luck on this crazy rollercoaster.
xxx
I am so very, very sorry >:D<
Hi JJ,
My heart goes out to you and Dom I had a little boy after an agonising 8 year wait he was a ivf bubs my life changed when I met Peter Caughey at the Forest Rock clinic I believe my little boy wouldnt not be here without him if you are like me you would have tried everything under the sun but I would highly reccomend seeing him.
Thinking of you both.
Take Care
Thinking of you both.
So sorry about the bad news Jay-Jay and Dom. I coudn’t even begin to imagine what you two are going through. I’m sure that things will eventually start to work out for the better. Take care.
So sorry to hear your news. You are strong together with Dom right there – it maybe the end of this round of IVF but it doesnt need to be the end of your journey to be parents. Hang in there guys – heartbreaking for you
I am so sad and sorry to hear your news. My thoughts are with you both.
I have just shed some tears for you both, I am so sorry.xx
Oh guys, I am so sorry. I just knew when you were away ‘sick’ this morning that it was likely to be bad news. My heart goes out to the two of you.
Hi Guys
I am so, so sorry that this round has not worked and feel a great sense of sadness for you both.
I personally know that nothing that anybody says can actually fix what is happening to you or make you feel better – its a huge loss and immense grief you will be feeling right now – and it doesn’t go away in a hurry. Its accumulation of grief and the uncertainty of what now.
Hopefully you can take some comfort from the support you will receive from your family, friends and fans.
Am I strong enough? You ask.
I think you are amazingly strong – to even have the guts and determination to go this far and also be willing to let the world in on your lives when you are going through something that creates such vunerability is incredible.
Only you and Dom will know after time whether you can keep going. It comes at a cost (financially and emotionally) but sometimes the huge costs and risks are worth it and sometimes they are not. Everybody has a different threshold.
My thoughts are with you both.
I am so sorry to hear that. My heart goes out to the both of you, I can’t even imagine how you are feeling right now.
You are VERY strong, JJ. Don’t ever forget that.
I honestly don’t know what I can say that could possibly comfort you right now. But I wanted to let you know that you are both truly amazing people.
Love you xo
Hi JJ,
Just had a few tears reading your post, I am so very sorry it didnt work out. All I can say is dont give up, there is still a few options for you.. I had my daughter through gestational surrogacy. So she is my egg my husbands sperm but an amazing friend carried her for us, its not an easy journey but nothing with infertility is, I am sure that you have thought over all your other options and today you probably dont want to think of any of them but just dont give up you are an amazingly strong woman and you will get through this. You are so so brave letting everyone experience this with you. My daughter is living proof that miracles do happen and that dreams come true so dont give up! I will email you a copy of the article I did for the womans day, I hope it will give you some hope. Thinking of you and sending you huge hugs xxx
Aw guys I’m so sorry! I was so hoping it would turn out for the best for you guys but then I got that email. I can’t imagine what you are feeling right now- at least you have each other. Jay Jay you are amazing and an incredibly strong person, I admire you so much for sharing such details with the public. I hope this isn’t the end of the road for your chance to be parents. Take care.
xxx
I am so, so sorry you didn’t get your dearest wish. my love & good thoughts go out to you both. hang in there. xoxo
Dom and JayJay…my heart goes out to you both.
I look out my window and see the rain and feel the sadness of your pain.
It is said that the rain is Ranginui – sky father shedding his tears for Papatuanuku – earth mother his wife…I can’t help but feel this same sadness and sorrow for you both.
Jay Jay….you are a strong woman. You are wahine toa in my eyes…and for many young women in Aotearoa. Your strength to withstand a male dominated career…your ability to make those who visit NZ feel at ease…and the strength you have had to share your story with the nation. I might also add…the special quality you both have to be able to work with each other…when most married couples can’t even live with each other….you both are outstanding.
Dom…the mana you posess is outspoken…how loyal you are and loving…to grieve with your wife and show the nation your heart. Thankyou.
Thankyou to you both.
xoxoxoxoXOXxoxoxoxo
Awwwww
so sorry to hear that.
Take care guys
x x x x x
JayJay and Dom, I am so sorry to hear your sad news.
I am literally crying, I just read about it on Doms facebook page and went to read the blog in my email..
I was hopeful you just simply couldn’t wait to do the test and it was too early to tell…
I hope you are o.k guys,
Thanks for being so courageous and sharing the whole journey with your fans.
Why the hell does it not work out for you? It angers me a bit coz you guys would have made awesome parents!!!
Sev’s world would be incomplete without you as his guardians…
why does IVF end up this way? is there a reason for it?
Good on you Dom for being such a rock for JayJay!!
take care guys… Anita B
Jay-Jay & Dom… I am so, so sorry to hear your news… there are no words I can say.
A very good friend told me on Saturday of her struggles to fall pregnant – several rounds of IVF, accupunture, herbal remedies… the works! All unsuccessful. She lived 3.5 years down in the dumps and depressed… until one day a stranger said to her “if you live your life by fate, then let fate lead the way”. She felt a weight lift off her shoulders immediately. I believe everything happens for a reason… the reason may not be apparent immediately or for some time after, but it always shows itself.
I really hope that you and Dom will come through this OK… my thoughts are with you both.
Take care
Sammy xxx
That just sucks. I wonder why life does this to us – you would be such fabulous parents!!
Gig hugs and smiles.
So sorry to hear about your loss JJ and Dom. The world really sucks sometimes. I hope that one day your are able to reach your dream of being parents, whether it’s through IVF, Surrogacy or Adoption. Please don’t give up hope, I look forward to the day that we see you holding a wee baby of your own. Thoughts and prayers with you, kia kaha. Sending you love.
Dear Jay-Jay and Dom,
Woke at 6am to the news that you were both off ‘sick’ and my heart plummeted. I’m so sorry for your loss, i hope you can take some time by yourselves to just grieve and be together and work out where to from here. Thankyou again for so bravely sharing your story. There are still good things in the future for you guys, just hang in there,
Love and hugs,
Meredith
hi jj and dom,
big hugs and kisses, i am so sorry
xxxx
Hey JJ & Dom,
Shedding a few tears for you both. So sorry to hear your news. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Much love x
Sarah
I’m so sorry JayJay & Dom. We had our results today too and we had the same news as you – all I can say is that it is heartbreaking. And like you, we had none to freeze so we have to do the whole thing all over again and the idea terrifies me. Thinking of you.
I’m sorry JayJay! I was reading your blog a couple of days ago and I was crossing my fingers for you. Be strong, you will get through this!
I am so very, very sorry. Your heartbreak is unimaginable. Don’t give up on becoming parents it will happen. There is a baby out there for you, trust me. I found mine through adoption. Very best wishes to you both – Rachaelxo
Aw… was really hoping it work out for you. I knew straight away when Mike said you guys were away this morning on air.
You are both amazing people who deserve every happiness. Keep smiling and your heads up.
Hope to hear you on air soon.
Tesh xxx
oh nuts – I am so very very sorry to hear your news – I felt for sure this was it this time:(
Thinking of you both xxx
Am crying with you both. Give Seven an extra big hug and gird your loins for the next step.
Couldn’t stop crying reading your Blog,we feel your pain (after having 5 unsuccessful cycles ourselves…)
You are so strong sharing your journey with the world. All our love and thoughts go out to you both. Remember you are allowed to express all your pain,grief and anger with this hideous result.Look after each other,and only you two will both know when enough is enough. Take care.X
You are very strong indeed to have gone through this four times. But don’t give up hope just yet – these things have a way of turning around and surprising you. Give it time – good things come to those who wait, and you are both young still. All the best for the future – will miss you on the air until you return. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so damn sorry for the both of you..
I am soo sorry to hear your news. As I read it I sit here with tears thinking about you both. My family and I wish you all the best for the future
big hugs for the both of you
Hi Jay-Jay
I really don’t know what to say as I have absolutely no idea what you are going through. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. I don’t want to try and talk about something that I can’t properly comprehend – I’m just so sorry that you have had to. Kia Kaha xx
Dear JJ & Dom,
I have been following your journey and it is with great sadness that I read your last entry.
My heart goes out to you both. I sincerely hope that this is not the end but that there will be a future full of hope and fullfillment of this dream for you both. There are so many people, even strangers who are praying for you and sending their love.
Stay strong!
So very very sad to read that your journey has come to this point. It totally sucks but the final goal is so sweet and can still be yours if you stay focused on it. Don’t give up – you are strong together.
Thinking of you guys xx
Jay Jay and Dom there are no suitable words to express the pain you both are feeling. Your two incredibly strong people and this humbling story has such a sad end. Your pain is so vivid and so strong – take each minute as it comes and each hour as it happens. Let yourselves experience the emotions and share this journey. Take care of yourselves and each other
I don’t even know what to say, because I know there aren’t any words strong enough. My heart goes out to both of you so, so much through this difficult time. You two are both wonderful people, the last people that something like this should happen to you.
My thoughts are with you, stay strong xxx
Hey there JJ & Dom, Its so disheartening isn’t it, but you will get there ( become parents) one way or another. I truly beleive that couples that can get thru IVF can get thru anything. I fall pregant, 1st out of many attempts on IVF, just to lose it on my birthday, 2 months into the pregancy. That day, was one of the worst days, but ended up being one of the happiest days of my life. My sister found out, she came to me & said she would carry a baby for me, he is 17 years old now. Keep trying, there are a million & 1 options open to you two out there. I look forward to hearing you two back on line tomorrow morning, its not so funny when you two arent there, Be strong, keep going, you’ll never know unless you try Take care Max
Hey JayJay and Dom,
Well what do I say, My heart aches for you, I have followed your journey and I am so sorry that your dreams cannot be fulfilled.. You are one strong girl, this is not an easy thing to accept , tonight look up at the stars and celebrate your beautiful marriage and your dreams. Explore surrogacy and other options. And remember ” It will be okay in the end, if it’s not okay it’s not the end” Big Hugs xx
Ditto to what everyone else said – they said it so well. Thinking of you both lots and wish like anything this hadn’t happened. You share so much of yourselves with strangers and we feel we know you, even though most have never met you. Grieve together and you’ll find your threshold of strength. You’re both stronger than you think…you prove that time and time again on and off air. Sharing such a personal and intimate journey takes courage in itself! I know what it’s like to hope like anything for a baby only to have it not work. I haven’t done IVF, but I have done IUI. Continue to take care of each other and take one day at a time. You’ll know what the next step is when you’re ready. xo
JJ & Dom, I am at work almost in tears for you guys after reading your blog =(
We have really only just started our infertility journey 2.5 years, 1 miscarriage and 1 unsuccessful attempt at IVF so far, and I cannot imagine all you have been thru to get to this point. You are two amazing and incredibly strong people and I sincerely hope that one day you will get to be parents.
Sending you hugs and prayers xox
Sorry, to hear your terrible news Jay Jay and Dom. Thinking of you xx
My heart breaks for you. That’s not fair. I’m so incredibly sorry for you both.
Best wishes for the future. xxx
dear jj and dom , we are so very sorry to hear the news . words can not express the pain we feel for you , life is sometimes very unfair . you have both been so strong through this whole thing and through your posts you have regularly written you have inspired ourselves to give ivf our best shot and keep our heads up so thankyou jj and dom. we are sending you our best wishes .xx
dear jay jay and dom , we are so very sorry to hear the news . words cannot express how we feel for you both. you are both very strong and by you sharing your story with the world you are helping others like ourselves come to grips with our battle with ivf and you inspire us to keep going and give it all we have, so thankyou jay jay and dom, we send our best wishes to you both . xx
So sorry for you both, you have been so very brave sharing your story. Thinking of you
To Mum & Dad
Sorry I couldn’t be with you yet..it is not my time. I have been promised to you, Mum, and God keeps his promise. I may not come in the way you expect but I am everything you and daddy have always wished, longed and prayed for. Be strong for a little while longer. God knows your heart and feels your sorrow.
Dearest JJ & Dom, we were staying at Raglan for the last week of our two-week-wait to prepare for the results of our third round of IVF …we received the phone call from Fert Assocs to say it was over. When we went again for Round 4 we were told it would not be possible because my eggs were too “old” (BTW..friend of mine told same thing…fell preggers naturally!!). We did NOT want to adopt. We did NOT believe in God. We have since adopted two incredible boys aged 3 and 6 years. And I am praying for you and Dom to heal and prepare for the same blessings we received as promised by God. With Love, Chrissy, Johnny, Max & Lukas xx
Am so sorry to hear your news guys – really, really gutted for you.
Thanks for sharing your story. You have made those of us going through the bloody awful time of fertility treatments not feel so alone. You are inspirational.
Be kind to yourselves and look after each other. xxx
to jj and dom
my thoughts are with you at this sad time. i hope you dont give up your quest to become parents. you guys rock thinking of you
I am so incredibly sorry that this cycle has not worked. I am in tears reading about it. I too have been on the IVF rollercoaster and know that nothing anyone says is going to take the pain away for you both – but I wish I could.
To JJ and Dom,
Im so sorry it didn’t work for you both, i really thought this was going to be the one. What ever you decide to do next i wish you all the best of luck and i hope a miracle happens to you both out of the blue…you never know ! xxx
I am really sorry it didn’t work out for you guys.I have tears rolling down my face. words cannot express how I feel for you both.Thinking of you both….Good luck
Oh sweet heart – so so sad to hear you news today. Many blessings to you at this time – you bring so much sunshine to others; I so want you to receive some sunshine back XX
Dom and Jay Jay
Im so sorry to hear that your cycle hasnt worked, my husband and I have been trying for nearly four years. we are about to start our ivf cycle in two weeks. Thank you for been so open about your journey so far. I hope that in some way you get the much loved child you both want.
all the best
Spirit Baby
i was asked, “Are you crying about the baby?” and when I nodded tearfully, he said, “Well, you just have to have another one, Mom, because it’s a Spirit Baby, and you should be its mother.”
I must have looked puzzled because he said, “Don’t you know about Spirit Babies? How could I know about them if you don’t? I mean, you’re my mom!” But he could see my perplexity.
See, I was one myself, so that must be how I know. Anyway, every woman has a circle of babies that goes around and around above her head, and those are all the possible babies she could have in her whole life. Every month, one of those babies is first in line. If she gets pregnant, then that’s the baby that’s born. If she doesn’t get pregnant, the baby goes back into the circle and keeps going around with all the others. If she gets pregnant but something bad happens before the baby’s born…now listen, Mom, because here’s the really cool part. It goes back into the circle, but it becomes a Spirit Baby, and all the other babies give it cuts. Each month, it’s always first in line. Isn’t that great?
“So you just have to get pregnant again, and you’ll have the same Spirit Baby. If you don’t, though, then the baby circle will just beam that little Spirit Baby over to some other woman’s circle, and it’ll be first in line for her. It keeps being first in line somewhere until it finally gets born.
“But it’d be a shame for you not to have it yourself, because I know how much you want it. So you just have to try again. Mom, remember that baby you lost before I was born?” I nodded wordlessly. “Well, that was me. Really. I’ve always known I was a Spirit Baby. I mean, I know what I’m talking about here, Mom.”
Sorry to hear the bad news JayJay……
I really thought this time would work out for you guys I was even praying for it to work out.
Personally I think you are both very strong people.
it must be very hard.
I was so Sad to hear the news, I am living in Australia at the moment and I follow you guys on your website and listen to you online in the mornings…..
I my self are having fertility problems, but I can’t say I have experienced the problem you guys are having.
Stay strong guys.
Take care
XOXO
My heart goes out to you both. I know how hard it is having been there myself. We have male factor infertility and after an unsucessful round of IVF with ICSI we decided to look at other options. We were offered sperm from a close friend and decided “better the devil you know” so undertook the long process of DI. We now are the proud parents of a happy and healthy 11 month old boy. The journey wasnt an easy one but we are so pleased to have taken that option. Dad couldnt love him anymore than he does and we cant wait to do it all again. It is a hard road to go down but one that I am so pleased that we went down. What ever you decide to do, good luck and stay strong.
I want nothing more than to encourage you, to keep going, not to give up, becuase i have hope for you both. I also have trouble having babies, (my fault) and am unable to recieve IVF.
I cant imagine the awful ride you’ve been on, and PRAY, that you both recieve a miracle. I know there is a baby waiting for you xx
I am so sorry Jay Jay and Dom.
My heart goes out to you now and for your future soul searching.
Amy x
I read somewhere that someone was told by their doctor that she couldn’t have kids. She replied, you mean I can’t give birth to a child but I can adopt and raise my own children.
I don’t know where you and Dom are heading from here but I wish you the best of luck if you look at other options. I’m so sorry it didn’t work out, I had hoped for the best for you both.
Hope you have a relaxing weekend xx
I am so sorry you guys, my heart truly goes out to you. there really isnt much more I can say than that.
Well that is really really dumb! You weren’t the only ones in tears and loosing sleep!
You will have some big decisions to make for the future regarding what next – none of them easy. I would offer you some of my eggs, but mine are playing heard to get!
You are a strong girl, but sometimes strong people need to let their guard down and greive and be cross and bitter.
Look after yourselves.
Big hugs
XXX
So sorry to hear your sad news guys, thankyou so much for sharing with us all so we don’t feel so alone on our ivf journeys, I wish you both all the very best for the future.
JayJay how are you doing? I still keep thinking about you.
After reading your news I could even begin to think of what to say. I still can’t put it into words……..
I’ll just offer a gigantic CYBER HUG!!!!!
I’m just so sorry to read this. Hugs to you both.
So absolutely gutted to read your news on here this morning. It is so unfair.
Nothing can be said to take away the pain but I hope all the thoughts and messages on here give you some comfort.
You are sooo strong to be sharing your story and I know you have helped others by doing this. It is such a taboo subject and people need to know that becoming parents is a struggle for so many of us.
Whatever your decision is from here I wish you peace from the infertility rollercoaster,
Lots of love Tina T
My heart is aching for you both. I can’t even imagine what you are both going through. Personally I think you are both very strong people and wish you both all the best for the future.